How to apologize properly is much more difficult than we think. Provided you want to teach your children to apologize, you must be good at saying sorry yourself, especially to your own children. But how you say it can be quite tricky.
If you say to your children “I’m sorry I got angry with you, but …” what follows that “but” can make the apology ineffective: “I had a bad day” or “your noise was giving me a headache ” leaves the person feeling that he should be apologizing for his bad behavior in expecting an apology.
Another method by which people appear to apologize without actually doing so is to say “I’m sorry you’re upset”; this suggests that you are somehow at fault for allowing yourself to get upset by what the other person has done.
Then there is the general, all covering apology, which avoids the necessity of identifying a specific act that was particularly hurtful or insulting, and which the person who is apologizing should promise never to do again. Saying “I’m useless as a parent” does not make any sense.
These false apologies are used by people who believe saying sorry shows weakness. Parents who wish to teach their children to apologize should see it as a sign of strength, and therefore not voice these false apologies.
But even when presented with examples of really being sorry, children still need help to become aware of the complexities of saying sorry. A three-year-old might need help in understanding that other children feel pain just as he does, and that hitting a playmate over the head with a heavy toy requires an apology. A six-year-old might need reminding that spoiling other children’s expectations can require an apology. A 12-year-old might need to be shown that taking the biscuit without asking permission is acceptable, but that borrowing a parent’s clothes without permission is not.
小题1: If a mother adds “but” to an apology,________.
A．the child may feel that he owes her an apology
B．she knows that the child has been hurt
C．the child may find the apology easier to accept
D．she feels that she should have apologized小题2:According to the author, saying “I’m sorry you’re upset” most probably means “_______”.
A．You have good reason to get upset
B．I apologize for hurting your feelings
C．I’m aware you’re upset , but I’m not to blame
D．I’m at fault for making you upset小题3: We learn from the last paragraph that iiS teaching children to say sorry
A. the complexities involved should be ignored
B. parents need to set them a good example
C. their ages should be taken into account
D parents should be patient and tolerant
小题4:It can be inferred from the passage that apologizing properly is
A． to say sorry in a general way
B． a way to improve your relationships
C． a sign of social progress and social harmony
D．not as simple as it seems
