Few people doubt the fundamental importance of mothers in child-rearing, but what do fathers do Much of what they contribute is simply the result of being a second adult in the home. Bringing up children is demanding, stressful and exhausting. Two adults can support and make up for each other’s deficiencies and build on each other’s strengths.
Fathers also bring an array of unique qualities. Some are familiar: protector and role model. Teenage boys without fathers are notoriously prone to trouble. The pathway to adulthood for daughters is somewhat easier, but they must still learn from their fathers, in ways they cannot from their mothers, how to relate to men. They learn from their fathers about heterosexual trust, intimacy and difference. They learn to appreciate their own femininity from the one male who is most special in their lives. Most important, through loving and being loved by their fathers, they learn that they are love-worthy.
Current research gives much deeper—and more surprising—insight into the father’s role in child-rearing. One significantly overlooked dimension of fathering is play. From their children’s birth through adolescence, fathers tend to emphasize play more than caretaking. The father’s style of play is likely to be both physically stimulating and exciting. With older children it involves more teamwork, requiring competitive testing of physical and mental skills. It frequently resembles a teaching relationship: come on, let me show you how. Mothers play more at the child’s level. They seem willing to let the child direct play.
Kids, at least in the early years, seem to prefer to play with daddy. In one study of 2.5-year-olds who were given a choice, more than two-thirds chose to play with their father.
The way fathers play has effects on everything from the management of emotions to intelligence and academic achievement. It is particularly important in promoting self-control. According to one expert, "children who roughhouse with their fathers quickly learn that biting, kicking and other forms of physical violence are not acceptable. " They learn when to "shut it down. "
At play and in other realms, fathers tend to stress competition, challenge, initiative, risktaking and independence. Mothers, as caretakers, stress emotional security and personal safety. On the playground fathers often try to get the child to swing even higher, while mothers are cautious, worrying about an accident.
We know, too, that fathers’ involvement seems to be linked to improved verbal and problem-solving skills and higher academic achievement. Several studies found that along with paternal strictness, the amount of time fathers spent reading with them was a p predictor of their daughters’ verbal ability.
For sons the results have been equally striking. Studies uncovered a p relationship between fathers’ involvement and the mathematical abilities of their sons. Other studies found a relationship between paternal nurturing and boys’ verbal intelligence.
Studies investigating fathers’ involvement in child-rearing show that ().
A. this improve kids’ mathematical and verbal abilities
B. the more time spent with kids, the better they speak
C. the more strict the fathers are, the cleverer the kids
D. girls usually do better than boys academically
